I was having some trouble with fear, projection and worry and so I saw a counselor. He asked, "Rick, if all the things you are worrying about were resolved how would you feel?" "Terrific", I replied. "Stress free". He said' "Well, hate to tell you, but this is a world full of trouble. So if your current worries do get resolved come back and see me and I will tell you a thousand bad things you haven't thought about that could happen to you. Then you will have plenty to fill your worry box."
So several conclusions I eventually drew from this conversation:
- Its not my situations or how the world's treating me that's causing my anxiety, it's how I'm reacting to them.
- I worry much less when I'm in a good spiritual condition- so I should focus lots of time, thought and energy on improving my spiritual condition- instead of useless time spent dwelling on my problems and worries. (Lots of tools available for improving my spiritual condition)
- The positive way to view situations that worry me is to see them as challenges that present opportunities for growth in my faith and program.
- I need to learn through experience that with the help of God and AA I can make it through challenges (that are sure to arise for the remainder of my time in this world).
- It may be that in certain areas of my personality I can only grow by being faced with with these challenges and meeting them head-on, clean and sober.
- Trying to adjust my world to limit the amount of things I worry about (trying to control what comes from experiencing a full life ) will lead to me living in a very small world I create..
- God is not nearly as interested in my comfort as He is to transforming me into a person He, I and others can be proud of.
Thoughts?
I can't worry about everything....so I guess God has a lot to do :-). Seriously, I think in recovery, a huge part of my "job" is to lead a balanced life, with big helpings TODAY of getting up and active; communicating with my higher power variously through the day, in plain, regular ways, including prayer; questioning my still-somewhat sick thinking; questioning my motives and the voices in my head; and maybe above all, celebrating what I sense around me, and thanking God for a sober journey IN THE PRESENT, and thanking Him that He's given me plenty of healthy individuals and activities with which to fill this ONE day that I'm blessed with. Worry is of course just one activity, (somewhat obsessive) and should not be given too much attention. Finally, I just need to pick the day's key goals, and keep in touch with them and focusing on them, i.e. sobriety, family, healing, recovery, healthy work and playfulness, helpfulness and an attitude of gratitude. Fill the day with these "big rocks" first and the little, nagging worries and obsessions (perhaps from the lower power?) may not have much room to fit into the day. I have to trust that God, my conscience, AA, my healthy friends and the 12 Steps will guide me. Dave B.
ReplyDeleteGreat thoughts Dave B. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteOf all the good things you guys said--one word jumped off the page at me. PROJECTION!! I struggle horribly with projecting about everything. I'm about to make some major life changes for the first time in recovery and I keep running scenario after scenario through my mind, good and bad. Most of my free time lately has been spent battling these projections. Honestly, I'm spent--mentally and emotionally--it's even taking a physical toll on me. My emotional state ranges from excitement to fear to apathy! When I'm not projecting, I'm praying. Even spoke at length with one of the church elders Sunday! Still, I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm struggling! Suggestions??
ReplyDeleteSteve, when I come to a period in my life like yours (they come regularly whether I like it or not) I try my best to determine what the next right thing to do is every day, every hour, sometimes in very small increments- like Rick just call this guy-go and check this out- etc and then turn the results of my actions over to God. If I believe that in my actions I'm doing my best to follow God's will-my confidence builds. Any other thing I can do to heighten my spirituality and improve my contact with God, helps my mental state. I try to avoid dwelling and projecting in my head- and taking what i action I can and working the tools of the program hard. Working out helps as well. Rick H.
ReplyDeleteThanks Rick for the help. Baby Steps--that's what you're saying right! One thing at a time and I won't get so overwhelmed--right! One thing though--I'm a concrete laborer and most of my days are spent with a 90lb. Jackhammer. When I get home I can barely lift my toothbrush--would it be OK if I substituted working out with, oh I don't know, ANYTHING!!! LOL. How about reading or yoga or deep, deep meditation(sleep)! Thanks my friend--for making me laugh.
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