I heard someone share a bit of wisdom they had picked up recently. It was so simple, clear and powerful I can't stop thinking about it....
The essence was this; If you are unhappy about a situation or event and you had a choice in it, don't complain.
I thought wow! That's so right. Doesn't it happen to all of us at times? For example, people ask you to go somewhere and you really either know you shouldn't go or just don't want to go-- and you go anyway.
Then you come home, resentful at the person who invited you and the fact that you went. The essence of the wisdom point is, who made you go? Whose decision was it? Did you have a choice in the matter?
I don't know if it's just me, but the implications of this idea are staggering. I am responsible for my choices, no one else. If it doesn't work out as I would like, I need to own up that I made had choice in the matter.
The positive part of making wrong choices today is our ability to learn from our mistakes through the program tools- specifically, in this case, the 10th step. We can do a quick inventory- honestly assess the choice we made, why we made it, if any of our defects drove it, and then, if corrective action or thinking applies, we can apply it and move forward- hopefully not repeating the same mistake too many times!
When do you remember complaining about something you had a choice in?
About an hour ago!! A co-worker called me to ask how I wanted to handle tomorrow's job. I told him, but he suggested a different way and said he had already had prepared for tomorrow according to his plan & was that O.K.? Instead of just telling him I'd prefer to do it my way, I agreed. As a result, I just got home from work and I'm already pissed off & tomorrow's job hasn't even started yet. I had a choice, but didn't exercise it--this one's on me!!!
ReplyDeleteI seem to struggle with things that seem like the "Next Right Thing".
ReplyDeleteFor whatever reason, I don't like family events. I have to do those, right?
Then there are friends from my predrinking days who have welcomed me back. What a blessing right? Well keeping up with those 20+ year relationships seems important, but they take time and sometimes I'd rather they not call, truth be told. But I always go.
You guys have any thoughts on these type of situations?
Tough one Jeff. Still working on sorting these things out. I was explaining it to someone once and they said- "oh that's a should- maybe that's something you don't have to do". That works sometimes but definitely other times its definitely right to do shoulds- funerals, meetings, family things- etc.
ReplyDeleteFor me its an attempt at determining things that our God's will for me to do- and with these sometimes I want to and sometimes i don't- but if I believe they are God's will I most times do them.
With other things that I believe are "optional" the thing i have to watch for is why am I saying yes?". I'm searching for defect driven decisions- Like I'm saying yes because I'm "people pleasing", I'm not going because I'm "fearful". I won try this new thing that's probably good for me because I'm most interested in comfort and would rather isolate.
Understanding these defect driven decisions is just step one- then actually doing the opposite and ignoring the defects requires serious willingness to change along with the discomfort that comes along with it (for a while).
Rick H.