Recovery from alcoholism- The sorry plight of the "functioning alcoholic"

Reflections....

....on the Road to Recovery

                                          The sorry plight of the "Functioning Alcoholic"

First, here are a few of the tendencies I would use to describe a functioning alcoholic (someone who is dependent on alcohol to cope with life, but who has managed to keep functioning without getting into "too much trouble"):

• They rarely miss work due to drinking.

• They try to control when and how much they drink- they are constantly aware of this need to "control" their drinking.

• They do not want people to know how much they drink.

• They try to hide their drinking from others. (Although they believe they are sneakily successful at this, almost all around them know they drink to excess.)

• They are very moody, restless, irritable and discontent until they get the needed level of alcohol in their system.

• They attribute alcohol-related or aggravating illnesses, like stomach problems, sleeping problems, nervousness, skin issues, and even life threatening diseases,  to anything other than their continual, excessive drinking. 

But that's not the essence of what I want to share.....


Let me start with what things they do that dramatically limit their lives due to the control alcohol has over them:

• They do not drive in the evening for fear of an accident, ticket and associated DUI.

• They drink heavily before social events so at the event they can have just one or two to "show" others that their drinking is moderate.

• They do not eat at restaurants that don't serve alcohol, or they are very angry when they are forced to do this.

• They hide how much they drink by using different containers and hiding bottles.

• They go to bed early and take naps when they can,  to make up for poor alcoholic-induced sleep

• They lie* to doctors about how much they drink.

• They start planning their day around times that it will be convenient to drink, i.e., when they won't get caught and/or get in trouble. Other activities they should be attending are secondary in importance.

*Lying is a really interesting thing- sometimes I truly think the functioning alcoholic believes his/her own lies.  For example, "I just have a couple of drinks a day." A couple of drinks is typically a glass of alcohol re-filled several or many times when it is half empty, which in the alcoholics mind represents one drink...and their denial has them believing this is true.

No matter what explanation a functioning alcoholic gives to me on why they drink, I can absolutely state that the problem they have is a "lack of coping skills."  In other words, the inability to deal with almost all aspects of life without finding it necessary to alter their state of mind by using alcohol. For example, they drink when they are:

• bored

• depressed

• unhappy

• angry

• stressed

• excited

• celebrating

• mourning

• hurting

• resentful

They don't want to feel any "bad" feelings and they must accentuate the "good" feelings. 

This is not the way life was supposed to be lived. Simply stated, we are going to feel bad sometimes, good other times. Throughout our lives, good things will happen to us as well as bad things. To live fully, we were meant to deal soberly with all life brings.

The sorry plight of a functioning alcoholic is this:

They go thru life in a numbed state: not really living fully, just sort of existing at a level that is much less then what it could be. They never get to be the person they were meant to be. Not only do they suffer the direct and more subtle consequences, but so do their loved ones.

It's so frustrating to know one of these people, isn't it? We can see so much good in them, so much potential, but alcohol has got them by the throat... like a boa constrictor that slowly sucks the life out of its victim. Slow death. Painful to watch. Sad.

Recently I wondered about this:  how many deaths and illnesses in this world have been attributed to health problems without the mention of alcohol abuse, which was the major source or minimally the accelerator of the medical condition?

I know that many people have prayed for functional  alcoholics, and many prayed seemingly mean-spirited prayers, like this one: "Please, God, have ______  hit some nasty bottom with all of its painful consequences so that God or something can wake them up to the denial of their alcoholism".

The almost unbelievable reality is that if these same people hit bottom, surrendered and got into recovery, they could be transformed into fully functioning human beings who are engaged in all that life brings... without finding it necessary to drink alcohol..