How many times have we wondered "what can I possibly do to help this person stop drinking?" In AA we become well trained in helping a suffering alcoholic stop drinking. We share our stories, we take them to meetings, we talk to them on the phone, we pray for them, we help them work the steps, we teach them the tools of the program of recovery.....
But sometimes all these things do not stop the person from continuing to drink. I have had many, many discussions with my friends in recovery that go along the lines, "What else can we do for (fill in the name)" to help them? We try to figure out different approaches, suggest different tools, and many times just leave in confusion and frustration with no new ideas.
We sometimes hear from family members along these lines, " Why cant they stop drinking? They are going to AA, they want stop, they are killing themselves, our lives are all miserable. What is this all about?" We struggle with the answers to these reasonable questions...
I have witnessed these situations with many suffering alcoholics in my journey of recovery. Some of them try many times to get the program and just keep relapsing. Some of them just disappear. Some of them die- in every instance I can remember-they die alone and totally isolated from those who are available to help.
Nobody really knows for certain the answer to this dilemma. However, in speaking to many people in my circle of recovery friends two themes seem to regularly come to the forefront..
They are brokenness and the willingness to change. Brokenness in my view is totally different from, remorse, regret, shame and sorrow. I hear the state of brokenness described many ways, however if you have experienced it you don't need a lot of explanation. Its total surrender. Its getting to the point where you don't know what to do anymore and you are ready to ask for help...from anyone. You figuratively put your arms down and surrender to the fact that alcohol has left you broken- in a state of spiritual, mental, physical and emotional bottom. And once in that condition, many of us then experience the essential step of recovery- willingness to change and to do whatever we need to, to stay sober.
I wrote two articles on this topic named, "Can we help someone surrender" and "The Bridge" . (links to those stories below). The essence of the stories are that without getting to this state of brokenness and willingness- no life-changing help is really possible.
However, as the saying goes, "When the student is ready, the teachers will appear."
https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B-8iiIu25F1-NlRDdXUtNVVPZ1k/edit
https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B-8iiIu25F1-WFIxTU94akZlMWs/edit
What are your thoughts on this subject?
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