New paths in the jungle of life-recovery from alcoholism

                   Reflections...................................... on the Road to Recovery
       
New paths in the jungle of life

In April, 2013 I celebrated 23 years of continuous sobriety. I am very grateful and happy to tell you that.  I have a tradition that was given to me that has me going to all of my regular meetings plus those special “extra” meetings that I attend when I can.  And, as usually happens, with attending all of these meetings,   I’m in a really good spot.  Spiritually filled.  On the “AA Beam” again.  Spending time giving leads, chairing beginners's meetings, talking with newcomers after the meetings…..

Doing these things really puts me in a good place.  Not surprising, since I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing- as the Twelfth Step “suggests” to us.  Give back what was freely given to us.  Simple. Clear.  Powerful.   Great antidote to the “root of our problem”- selfishness and self-centeredness - a condition I continue to battle with.

On occasion I share an analogy that came to me in a very clear way, one which helps me understand why it is so difficult to stay sober, especially in the early part of our recovery.


Here it is:




When we started into our drinking and drugging, and hit the jungle of life – with all of its worries, fears, challenges, opportunities, etc., we figuratively carved out pathways to get through all of these events. The paths we made were built fast and easy - wide and smooth - no growth through pain and struggle, no real learning about how to build relationships, how to be a good friend or a contributing  family member.  Just easy paths on how to get thru the jungle of life – not feeling, not caring, not growing up, just surviving to go on to the next day;  down these wide, easy paths.


These paths, of course, were built around the temporary and destructive power of alcohol and drugs; they were hollow, empty, lonely, dark, even when the music was playing and others were laughing.  And worst of all, they led us to a hell on earth -  where there were no “danger”  road signs, no flashing red lights, no alarms ringing to warn us of the dreadful pit we were all once headed…

So… we hit bottom. The walls crumbled and caved in. We got kicked out and thrown right back to where we started.  Older, scarred, and spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally bankrupt.   (That is really is a dismal report card, isn’t it?)  Once again, looking directly at the jungle of life in front of us, this time being asked to face it with no mind-altering substances.  Clearly, the old paths are available… right in our face – easily accessible;  a quick drink, a hit of something, a bottle of something else;  in other words - the easy way… wide, inviting and representing temporary relief from the pain of early recovery.

But there is another option that has been given to us.  One we never had before.  Our new friends in AA suggest we start building new paths through the jungle of life. Strong paths, solid paths, built through the wisdom of all that has been experienced in the program of AA, past and present.  Something different about how we go about building these new paths, however.   Takes a lot of work, discipline, willingness, openness and honesty.  The path-building work is simple, but definitely not easy-and so frustrating at times. 

We go to meetings many days a week, rain or snow, feeling good or bad. We get a sponsor even though we don’t know exactly what that means.  They begin by asking us to do very unselfish and small things. Things such as making coffee and putting chairs up while greeting newcomers hours before the meeting starts.  We are walked through each of the Twelve Steps, deeply, thoroughly, point by point;   requested to tell our stories in front of large crowds, even though we are nervous and would rather sit in the corner and just listen; asked to go on weekend retreats without knowing what they are for; and to make amends to people we just plain don’t like.

We are asked to find a God that we can’t quite understand and then struggle getting comfortable with having Him manage our lives (since we still think at times we can do it better by ourselves).  We are asked to teach newcomers all we were taught,  even though we  are saying  to ourselves:   how can I help this person when I’m just  barely hanging on myself?     

So hacking our way through every inch of recovery is definitely quite opposite of the way we created the old easy paths in our years of addiction. For it’s not our nature to replace the pleasure and relief of immediate gratification with disciplined, long term character.

However, we know from listening and hearing the stories of relapse and recovery, we are just not going to make it unless we have a firm foundation – one based on the solid, clean, powerful, handiwork of our Twelve Step program of recovery,  crafted by the Hand of God and delivered through the people of AA. 

Rick H.