Child like joy lost and restored through recovery

                                

                                                                                                                                  

                                                                             

I was speaking at an open meeting the other night, telling my story of recovery from alcoholism. The majority of those in attendance were newcomers to recovery. At the end of my talk, I asked if anyone had any questions. A newcomer raised his hand and asked a question about a story I had told about my experiences at Wrigley field, Home of the Chicago Cubs.

The story I had told went like this: When I was a young boy I lived near Wrigley Field and I went to a lot of games –It was nothing less than magical for me to walk into that beautiful park and experience all the sights and sounds. To make it even, more exciting, my dad’s cousin was a professional player on the LA Dodgers, so I was able to meet him, and sit right above the visitors’ dugout. (I remember secretly rooting for the Cubs) It was the closest thing to a spiritual experience I think I could have had as a boy.

Then my years of drinking took control of me and while I continued to go to Wrigley field, things were different; very different. I got there drunk or close to it; and then focused on how many beers I could drink during the game.  Sadly, the magic of Wrigley field had left me. Like so many things alcohol stole it from me, slowly and fully.  So it was for fishing and all the other things I loved to do as a kid.

I remember my family, remembering how much I loved to go, asking me if I had a great day at the game- hoping that joy was still there for me. I’d respond something like, “yeah it was OK.  We had a good time at the bars afterward.”

After a few months into sobriety I asked my sponsor and home group if it was OK for me to return to Wrigley Field. They said N.O.  Not for a year; too risky. 

That’s how I ended my story of Wrigley Field  last Friday night. It was incomplete.

So back to the fellow at the meeting and his question as I remember it.  He asked, “Did you ever go back to Wrigley Field and did the “magic” return?” I could immediately sense that he had followed my story and had experienced something similar in his drinking days. I could feel his hopefulness for an answer that would give him hope.

My reply went something like this; “Hey thanks so much for asking, I forgot to tell (the most important) part of the story.  Yes, I did go back after a year. I remember it well. I was afraid to walk up that tunnel and look out at Wrigley field. I wasn’t sure why I was fearful- but now I know. I wasn’t sure what I would feel like. Drinking again? Remorseful over the past and my wasted days there? 

Well that not what happened. I walked up the tunnel, stood at the top of the stairs looked out and stood there for some time with all the feelings I had as a young boy come rushing back. I’m not ashamed to say tears came running down my face.  The joy had been given back to me through AA and God.  I sat through the game, looking at the people, the field, the players all around me-clear headed and focused. It was truly a spiritual experience that while happening over 20 years ago- I will never forget.

I suggested that those in recovery, when the time was right, to go back and try those things  they did as kids that brought them this childlike joy.

Thanks for asking the question!